“Where do babies come from?” is probably the most boring question, until it hits you in the face around nine in the evening, when you're already lying on the couch with something stronger than tea and just want to watch a light series, Ukr.Media reports.
“Valero, go into the nursery, explain something to them. I’m not pulling out,” came a voice from the hallway. My wife was just trying to put our sons to bed.
I sighed heavily. What this time? Black holes? Why do Lego pieces hurt so much to step on?
“No,” she says, meeting me at the door. “The senior is interested in logistics. Specifically: how exactly does your cell end up in my stomach.”
There you have it. Our eldest is now at that wonderful age when his brain works like an industrial vacuum cleaner, and every answer you give raises three new questions, even more awkward than the last.
I stumbled to the nursery. On the way, according to all the laws of the genre, I hit my little toe on the doorframe from acceleration. The very moment when the pain makes you become a mute Buddhist for ten seconds, because you want to swear unbearably. While I was performing a silent dance on one leg, a negotiation strategy was loading in my head in parallel.
About a year ago, we already did the light version. They said that dad and mom hug each other tightly, and this creates a new life in the belly. At that time, it was a hit. But now the client has grown up and demanded technical details.
There was, of course, a temptation to go off topic. But we all know very well how it ends. Kindergarten, yard, older guys behind garages or just a search engine that will give such a visual that the child will have to pay for a psychotherapist for years. So I decided that it would be better to work on the Discovery Channel myself. At least that way I can control the narrative.
He sat on the edge of the bed. He exhaled. And gave a basic anatomy presentation without unnecessary drama.
He said that men have their own genitals, women have their own. The male organ is the penis, the female organ is the vagina. That men produce semen. No, not the kind in beer bags, but something completely microscopic, sperm. And when dad and mom decide that somehow they are living too quietly in the apartment, they get closer, connect their organs, this semen gets to mom. There it organizes a crazy marathon to find an egg. Separately, they can't do anything, but together they work perfectly, from which in the end a new person comes out.
Then it got easier. He explained that at first it was the size of a grape, then like a tangerine, an apple, and finally — a watermelon. And after nine months this “watermelon” demands to be released into the world, because there is clearly not enough space inside. So, I say, you have drawn yourself here.
A thick silence fell over the room. It seemed that the information had settled on the subcortex without any side effects or trauma.
I went to the kitchen, feeling like at least Sir David Attenborough. And a little later my wife came in. She laughs. It turns out that as soon as I left, the older one looked at her thoughtfully and said: “Mom, why didn't you tell me yourself? Didn't you know how it works?”
“I knew,” she replied. “But Dad somehow knows better.”
Share
Subscribe to UkrMedia on Telegram.
⚡ Readers' Pulse
How do you explain to children where they came from?
1 person has already voted. Join the discussion.
🧬 Only the truth 🦢 Tales about cabbage 🤐 I have my own approach
📊 Mind map
🧬 Only the truth 100% 🦢 Tales about cabbage 0% 🤐 I have my own approach 0% 💡
The discussion is just beginning. Be the first to comment!
Comments
New ones first ↕
There are no comments yet. Be the first!