It's been a long time since our editorial office published readers' letters, and for good reason. Sometimes they are very interesting, and moreover, they are extremely instructive. Strictly speaking, if you are a wise person and do not want to learn from your mistakes, then here are other people's mistakes for you, informs Ukr.Media.
After 2 years of working with a psychologist, I was finally able to get over my divorce, which was provoked by my husband's betrayal. For 2 years I couldn't understand how someone could betray me, who was so smart, beautiful, caring and decent. It turned out that I myself did everything to get my husband into bed with another woman, and now I agree with this 100%. The trouble is that at that time I didn't realize it at all.
I started to take him for granted.
The story is classic. Until the birth of our first child, everything was great for us. This is not the case when people get married already hating each other. We loved each other and spent a lot of time together. There were nice text messages, gifts, flowers, and pleasant surprises.
When my son was born, something switched in me. I decided that the “girlfriend-lover” mission was accomplished and now I'm just a mother. In the first year after the birth of the child, I forgot about my husband. He became just a body in the house who has to take out the trash, bring money, and take us to the shops and clinics.
After the birth of my second child, I forgot about myself. With the first one, I managed to take care of myself, but after the second birth, I was no longer interested in cosmetics and new things. I was a typical mother who goes out in a tracksuit covered in porridge, is always in chat rooms and thinks about one thing: what to cook for dinner in the evening.
Through it all, the man was there. He didn't drink or hang out with friends. The man became a kind of butler who silently did his job, but for some reason at night he demanded intimacy.
I began to treat him with contempt.
Do you know how a woman can humiliate a man? Not directly, but imperceptibly. With small hints and jabs. I never directly told him that he was “terrible, worthless,” but my words began to slip in comparing him to other men. I let him know that he had reached his ceiling. And most importantly, he was obliged to live like this for the rest of his life. Obliged, because he had two children and turned me into a hen with dirty hair.
It is today that I understand that I hated him for what my life had become. I was afraid to tell him this directly, because in this case it was necessary to go to the end and file for divorce. And where would I go alone with two children? No, I needed him as an assistant and a wallet. The main thing is that he felt it and was afraid to voice it.
Today I understand that the reason for my dissatisfaction with life was me. My husband did not force me to have either my first or second child. It was I who convinced myself that children would make our life even better. I stopped taking care of myself, although I had money for a nanny and beauty salons. But I hammered into my head that I was a mother and had to do everything myself.
I didn't try to talk to him about the problems.
This is the biggest mistake. We kept everything quiet. I was very afraid to voice what was on my mind. I was afraid of losing the world that I had created. How stupid, I was afraid of losing the world that I hated, in which my loved ones were unhappy.
Over the course of 7 years of such a marriage, we became strangers to each other. So many problems had accumulated in our relationship that it was impossible to remain silent about them, and we were afraid to say even a word. He was the first to break the silence. He found a job in another city and came home on weekends. To sleep, eat, be silent, play with the children.
I'm sure that the man deliberately made it so that I could see his correspondence on the phone. Everything became clear to me after a minute of reading. He had a mistress, and their relationship was long-standing and very warm.
At that moment, I broke down. Everything that had been accumulating for 7 years came out in one evening. Poor children, what could they not hear? In the morning, he packed his things and left. For a year, I could neither see nor hear him. I had depression, binge drinking, and an attempt to find a man to forget myself.
If I hadn't found a psychologist then, I don't know what would have happened to me today. After two years of therapy, I'm sure that it's very good that everything in my life turned out exactly like this. Now no one tortures anyone. I understood my mistakes, or rather, I admitted my responsibility for what happened.
I'm only 38 years old and have a long life ahead of me. I can be happy if I want to. Only I can make myself happy.
Draw your own conclusions, I just told my story.
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