himself while you cover the rest of his needs? Stop serving him – and you will be surprised how quickly his greatness will dissipate />
Half of the rented apartment. Half of the communal services. And, to be completely precise, half of the groceries, because he obviously eats the same sausage and cheese too. Maybe even more than half.
I read this thread on the forum with that special mixture of interest and slight nausea that arises when you look into someone else's accounting of feelings.
The plot is painfully classic: a man who used to be a trucker and now works in IT, solemnly declares that he “carries the family on himself.” The family consists of two people. The woman works, buys her own clothes and cosmetics, buys groceries, completely takes care of the household – cooks, cleans – and from time to time hears that he again “has no extra money.” But he has free time to play computer games and an unshakable belief in his own charity.
We have somehow very imperceptibly blurred the concept of “pulling”. This word smells of barges on the Volga and epic overcoming of obstacles, although in reality it is about covering basic needs, which this man would cover himself if he lived alone. Except that he would eat less homemade borscht and more convenience foods. But how nice it is to feel like a breadwinner when your investment in a relationship is equal to a check from the supermarket.
Commentators under the post, as usual, staged gladiatorial fights. Some immediately wrote the author a check for self-esteem: “You are a free cook and a cleaning service with the function of sex for him.” Others coldly shrugged their shoulders, saying that this is what a partnership is all about – he gives you a roof over your head, you clean his floors, what else did you want, you didn't marry an oligarch.
And on the other side of the screen sits a living woman. With her own, albeit smaller, salary, a life on her shoulders, and a completely understandable resentment. Because there are no flowers, no shared leisure time, but there is passive aggression, gaslighting, and silence for two months if you try to bring the conversation into a constructive direction.
Now is a time that many people are objectively not up to. There is a war in the country, prices are skyrocketing so quickly that it is sometimes scary to go to the store, and for many, basic survival is already an achievement. But emotional dullness and unwillingness to even try to please the person next to you are not about the economic crisis. It is about someone simply being very comfortable.
It's convenient to hide behind inflation so as not to buy movie tickets. It's convenient not to notice dirty dishes. It's convenient to play the silent game, punishing for discontent. And the most convenient thing is to devalue other people's work at home, while simultaneously presenting yourself as the main sponsor of this celebration of life.
Partnership is great. It's okay to feel like a rental. But when relationships turn into a barter of “I'll give you pasta, you give me a clean plate,” the life somehow very quietly drains out of them. All that remains is the competition for who is more tired, and this suffocating, petty calculation.
You can endlessly count who owes whom how much. Who has turned on the washing machine how many times, whose turn is it to buy toilet paper and whether a bouquet on March 8, sent through a child, is considered an act of great love. But at some point you just look at this “breadwinner”, who is puffed up with his own importance over the electricity bill, and you understand one very simple thing.
You would have paid this bill yourself. You would have cooked this soup yourself. Only in silence, without the need to prove that you are not a drone who dared to eat someone else's piece of bread.
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Can a relationship where a man buys himself the right to ignore everyday life and be emotionally cold be considered a partnership?
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🧹 This is domestic exploitation 💰 He provides a base 🧐 I have my own opinion
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🧹 This is 100% domestic exploitation 💰 He gives a base of 0% 🧐 I have my own opinion 0%
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First new ↕ Bearded Pike 🧹 This is domestic exploitation 04/17/2026 5:39 PM I first encountered this before the war: my wife, having mentioned her friend's life, said, literally in a few words, that their family has such an “economic model” – he earns a lot and bought an apartment, provides each family member with a vacation abroad once a year. And all other expenses – everyone pays for themselves. And no, this couple was not some very young couple – adults, 40 years old, people. The second time I saw something like this in the family of my best men. But there the wife is a terrible spendthrift – money was not kept in the family at all. Because. and this, in fact, is wildness. And this wildness, invariably, leads in one single direction – divorce. Well, if one of the spouses (couples) asked such a question – there is nothing to think about here – the countdown to the breakup has already begun. Well, you can safely file for divorce – there will be no turning back. + Reply