I often observe this picture in my environment. A woman with whom you have lived for fifteen or twenty years suddenly imperceptibly passes into the category of “old wife”. No, it's not about wrinkles, kilograms or lack of manicure. She may not leave the cosmetologist's office and look objectively better than in her student photos. But for him she is a book he has read for a long time. And he suddenly urgently wants comics.
Anatomy of male stupidity
Somewhere after forty, something clicks in men's heads. I'm 44, I see my peers, and this sight sometimes causes a slight melancholy. Suddenly, an adult, seemingly adequate uncle begins to think that if a girl with a convincing cleavage appears next to him, who sincerely laughs at his bearded jokes, then he will automatically lose ten years.
This is a kind of farewell salute of hormones. An attempt to prove not so much to her as to myself: “I'm still great, I can still do it.”
The girl enjoys nice restaurants, attention, and this slightly paternal care, while the man plays the world conqueror, constantly sucking in his stomach and pretending that he doesn't feel like going to bed at ten o'clock at night.
How much extra energy do you need to have? For example, the very thought of having to impress someone again, take them on dates, and have these hours-long conversations about nothing makes me tired.
What remains behind the scenes
And what happens to the same “old” wife during this time? A romantic husband sometimes packs his suitcase, leaving her with children, shared memories, and a broken faucet in the kitchen. For about three years, he plays at a new life.
And then reality slowly sets in. Because being with a young woman means matching her pace. And his back already aches after an awkward movement, his blood pressure jumps with a change in the weather, and on Friday evening he just wants to fall on the couch watching some boring TV series, instead of going to a bar to drink cocktails.
The young friend quickly realizes that this attraction is not so exciting. She gets bored. She finds someone with a better metabolism and fewer life traumas.
I know a case when such a Romeo ended up with a heart attack from overexertion – trying to match the scenery that he himself built. And the same first wife buried him. Because who needed him with his cardiograms?
The common trench effect
There is one cynical but iron detail in a long marriage. You have been through so many small domestic and financial apocalypses together that it is more like a fighting brotherhood than a cinematic romance. Your first wife knows how you snore, that you are allergic to cats and that you are terrified of dentists. She has seen you weak, drunk, stupid, confused and poor. Nothing can surprise her anymore.
Men often entertain themselves with the illusion that the “old wife” is such a comfortable haven that she will forgive everything and wait with a smile of humility while he gets drunk. It sounds like a delusion from male fantasies of the last century. In fact, she does not forgive and does not wait with tears. She simply looks at it all with slight contempt and understanding of your temporary inadequacy. She will get upset.
The Return of the Prodigal Parrot
And here he comes back. With a package from the supermarket, some awkward guilt in his eyes and the question “what are we having for dinner?” Because out there, in the wild, it turned out to be too cold, too loud and you have to prove something all the time. And here – your old favorite sofa and a person to whom you don't need to explain why you're silent today.
Women often take it back. And no, not because of great sacrifice or lack of pride. But because they are also tired of starting everything from scratch. Life after forty is mostly about finding peace, not Shakespearean passions.
Therefore, if someone is going through this midlife crisis, the main thing is not to burn bridges. Because sooner or later the hormones will subside, the illusions will dissipate, and the only thing you will really want is for someone close to you to silently place a cup of hot tea in front of you. No questions asked.
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⚡ Readers' Pulse
Would you take back a “stray parrot” who only remembered his family when his blood pressure spiked?
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🏠 Native — above all 🚪 In one direction 🤷 Everything is too complicated
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🏠 Native — above all 0% 🚪 One way 33% 🤷 Everything is too complicated 66%
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First new ones ↕ A slob with a vacuum cleaner 🚪 In one direction 02.05.2026 09:23 Betrayal is contempt, especially demonstrative. And why do I need someone who despises me. + Reply